some long due venting

The primary reason i started the preparation was because i wanted to read a lot. To pursue knowledge of a number of fields at the same time. To be a generalist but well-versed to have independent thinking and to be able to engage in further studies on the base built during the prep. But as i read, it is becoming hauntingly clear that the exam rewards range over depth. It does so by limiting the time required to write an answer, there is no scope to go deep beyond a point. And if you do go deep enough, you are most certainly to lose the edge. This however might not be by design since the intensity of competition due to sheer numbers couldn't have been one of the variables in the consideration of the commission. Additionally, and albeit more importantly, they also have a mandate to keep a balance between the haves and the have-nots in terms of resources to prepare.

I am not ditching on the exam. In fact, i knew the range vs depth trade-off well before starting the preparation. But i did not think it would be precarious and i didn't think it would affect me this much. I underestimated the difference between reading for gaining knowledge and reading for the exam, which of course involves not just reading but being able to produce the read material at will in a time bound environment. And preparing with a job doesn't help either.

If this sounds silly, that's coz it probably is. And am well aware of how i can always read more after clearing the exam and other logical and obvious solutions to this presumed problem. But i needed to vent and reach out to any fellow dilettantes out there who might resonate with this.

Anyway, realized am writing this on the day of results. Congratulations to all who have made it. The rest, i have no idea what to say but i'd just end on positive note, keep at it!