Looks like we might have low attendance today :p
Anyway, please review my essay if anyone gets time. Wrote on 2nd topic - The future depends on what we do in the present.
Thanks.
1000-1200 I guess, just like CSE Mains@farzicoder how much word limit
Essay :
Our future is shaped by our present :
Pointers :
- Introduction :
o Poem : "experienced says, focus and work in present,
Newcomers serve it with resent;
they immerse deep in past and dream of future ,
which is the recipe of a heartbreaking adventure”
or
- Independence – India and Pakistan – India – 72 yrs of consituition , peaceful govt change , no coups , high development – while Pakistan would be changing cons, coups , lack of secularism and hub of terror groups
o Reasons being the vision of the leaders and the actions they did in present of 1947 – CA – consti – rights , secular state – open etc and other way for paksitan
- Next para : explain – present- something in which we live , have control on and which we can shape by our actions.
o Future : distant someone – have an idea of and dream of , not in our control .
- Explain the meaning – how its relevant with examples :
o Social : child growing up , parents inculcate values – child shows them when he grows up , example – ram lakhan movie – one is police other theif or the tale of two birds.
- Parents have to be cautious at present as their actions shape their future.
o Economic : far sighted approach and actions of govt at present would shape economic growth and recovery
-Example : India govt ki traeef : from 23% unemployement rate to 6.5 % in march 2021
· Atmanirbhar bharat , reduction in repo rate etc etc
o History : future of Indian people to witness the light of independence without a tinch of violence was possible due to the thinking of Gandhi at present , during 1919 – he did tour – to keep the movement non violent
o Consitutional /legal : SC judgment in 1973 – kesavanda Bharati case – doctrine of basic structure which has lead to protection of life and liberties
o International : south kore and north korea
- South korea : using terms like tech hub , 97% literacy due to democracy vs cult leadership.
o Environment : our common future report – sustainable development , ekdum shows the point
- Israel vs other middle east countries on water wars
· Israle since 1997 – did disalniation all.
- Next part :
o Future shaped by present , but how is our present ? is it shaped by something – sometimes condn in our present would not be enough to achive our future. (economic , social , family – explained)
- What options we have? Can we change our present cond? NO
Other options : sail our ship through the tides.
- Example : APJ abdul kalam , his actions and his dream .
- Next part :
o Present is there , we do act keeping in mind our future goals yet sometimes we fail - we do fail . then waht , what is the issue?
- Why we fail ? circumstances , bad day , or some other contingencies
- Should be step back ? no
- Example ? APJ abdul kalam couldn’t become pilot and Vikram sarabhai’s failure in ISRO.
- This is not failure
- It’s a process , success would be achieved today or tomarrow – may be same and maybe different.
· How Vikram supported ISRO members to achive success in subsequent years
- Conclsuion part – Krishna quote “ karm karo fal ki chinta mat kro (doubtful)” or like end with the poem ka end or something futuristic
P.S : First essay people, and not a fan of reading poems , but still tried hands at poem. I was toh not even willing to put the poem up for people to see and laugh , but still do give honest advice regarding the poem, taaki next time I dont make a blunder like this , if its nice and workable then its good.
@whatonly @Patootie @SergioRamos @AzadHindFauz @DeekshitaP @12432TrivendrumRajdhani and others , inviting you people as this thread is not that much known so.
Great framework of the essay.In my view, you have covered most of the dimensions.
With my limited experience, maybe prioritising dimensions can be worked upon - like historical perspective in first part and later sectoral dimension.
Otherwise, you have used very good examples. Analogy of APJ Abdul Kalam and Vikram Sarabhai was very good.
Also, from next time, you can try writing in proper essay format. Saying this because, in framework we (atleast me) make lots of points, but for paucity of time/space, some of the points are missed. For ex- I thought about Israel example and also linking ancient-medieval-modern history ('present') to contemporary time ('future'), but lost the flow somehow.
Keep it up :)
I think essay is so open ended that no one can claim to be expert. No issues. We are riding in the same boat.Achha likha hai. I am not a expert. Mai bhi seekh raha hu. Just some quick observation.1. Started well. Korean peninsula ka achha contrast establish kiya. I dunno why I was expecting some linkage with the same Korean story in the end.2. I liked how you wrote few paragraphs as if one is having conversation with the reader. Does that tone downs the official decorum of the essay ? This can be explored (this = how much conversational we can get with the reader).3. Hand writing is good. Extremely legible. Good spacing between words. Paragraphs are well alingned. Perfect slant of the line.Few questions1. What's your proces for brainstorming?2. Do you underline key words as you go with the flow? Or underline everything once you finish writing it?Sry if i have written anything trivial. Am myself learning the trades of essay writing.
Yes, you are absolutely right about later part and regarding exploring dimension of questioning the statement. I also thought so. Lost my concentration in between and hence lost the plot.Essay :
Our future is shaped by our present :
Pointers :
- Introduction :
o Poem : "experienced says, focus and work in present,
Newcomers serve it with resent;
they immerse deep in past and dream of future ,
which is the recipe of a heartbreaking adventure”
or
- Independence – India and Pakistan – India – 72 yrs of consituition , peaceful govt change , no coups , high development – while Pakistan would be changing cons, coups , lack of secularism and hub of terror groups
o Reasons being the vision of the leaders and the actions they did in present of 1947 – CA – consti – rights , secular state – open etc and other way for paksitan
- Next para : explain – present- something in which we live , have control on and which we can shape by our actions.
o Future : distant someone – have an idea of and dream of , not in our control .
- Explain the meaning – how its relevant with examples :
o Social : child growing up , parents inculcate values – child shows them when he grows up , example – ram lakhan movie – one is police other theif or the tale of two birds.
- Parents have to be cautious at present as their actions shape their future.
o Economic : far sighted approach and actions of govt at present would shape economic growth and recovery
-Example : India govt ki traeef : from 23% unemployement rate to 6.5 % in march 2021
· Atmanirbhar bharat , reduction in repo rate etc etc
o History : future of Indian people to witness the light of independence without a tinch of violence was possible due to the thinking of Gandhi at present , during 1919 – he did tour – to keep the movement non violent
o Consitutional /legal : SC judgment in 1973 – kesavanda Bharati case – doctrine of basic structure which has lead to protection of life and liberties
o International : south kore and north korea
- South korea : using terms like tech hub , 97% literacy due to democracy vs cult leadership.
o Environment : our common future report – sustainable development , ekdum shows the point
- Israel vs other middle east countries on water wars
· Israle since 1997 – did disalniation all.
- Next part :
o Future shaped by present , but how is our present ? is it shaped by something – sometimes condn in our present would not be enough to achive our future. (economic , social , family – explained)
- What options we have? Can we change our present cond? NO
Other options : sail our ship through the tides.
- Example : APJ abdul kalam , his actions and his dream .
- Next part :
o Present is there , we do act keeping in mind our future goals yet sometimes we fail - we do fail . then waht , what is the issue?
- Why we fail ? circumstances , bad day , or some other contingencies
- Should be step back ? no
- Example ? APJ abdul kalam couldn’t become pilot and Vikram sarabhai’s failure in ISRO.
- This is not failure
- It’s a process , success would be achieved today or tomarrow – may be same and maybe different.
· How Vikram supported ISRO members to achive success in subsequent years
- Conclsuion part – Krishna quote “ karm karo fal ki chinta mat kro (doubtful)” or like end with the poem ka end or something futuristic
P.S : First essay people, and not a fan of reading poems , but still tried hands at poem. I was toh not even willing to put the poem up for people to see and laugh , but still do give honest advice regarding the poem, taaki next time I dont make a blunder like this , if its nice and workable then its good.
@whatonly @Patootie @SergioRamos @AzadHindFauz @DeekshitaP @12432TrivendrumRajdhani and others , inviting you people as this thread is not that much known so.
Great framework of the essay.In my view, you have covered most of the dimensions.
With my limited experience, maybe prioritising dimensions can be worked upon - like historical perspective in first part and later sectoral dimension.
Otherwise, you have used very good examples. Analogy of APJ Abdul Kalam and Vikram Sarabhai was very good.
Also, from next time, you can try writing in proper essay format. Saying this because, in framework we (atleast me) make lots of points, but for paucity of time/space, some of the points are missed. For ex- I thought about Israel example and also linking ancient-medieval-modern history ('present') to contemporary time ('future'), but lost the flow somehow.
Keep it up :)
I have seen your essay too. You were too good in the intro but in guess in the later part you lost the plot. the part where you said what all you are going to cover did mention all sorts of thing but in the end you missed those, or maybe I missed them but end could have been made more better. You covered majorly the SPECLIH part but not the other part.
If apart from explaining the title only you could have asked some more questions to question the statement and then proved them would have brought different view. Those are missing in my framework too, I could have asked some more questions on the statement but I couldn't remember more.
My first essay, first attempt , take advice with pinch of salt (maybe handful of it).
Thanks El Capitano.Looks like we might have low attendance today :p
Anyway, please review my essay if anyone gets time. Wrote on 2nd topic - The future depends on what we do in the present.
Thanks.
Nice essay mate.
One thing if I may, if you write something, although you mean the same thing, just express it using different words. Like where you mentioned what you want, phrases like 'we want' and 'we need' regarding things that need to be done were oft repeated. Instead of writing we need, you can write It is a must. In place of we want, you can also twist it with something like A good thing to do would be. These sort of things. Just frame the sentence a bit differently so they do not sound monotone. :)
From Someone who suffered from this monotone problem, Trust me, this will vastly improve the readability and enjoyability of the essay. :)
Good essay. :)Essay on first themeFirstly this is my first essay. I am not very good in English, however I managed somehow in a very average manner.EssayIt's always right as well as good to asking anything by anyone or by society for the sake of individual and society.If everyone focuses on answers not on questions then he or she is definitely going in comfort zone rather to face reality.As everyday life passes, normally the person wants to get comfort. Whether it's academic or practical life, questions are not only being asked today but it was from very ancient Indian culture.The best and the suitable example is of Budhha. And the word enlightenment itself got its true meaning from the life of Budhha. It was his curiosity to know the truth of life. He asked the question to himself and to get answer of this during whole process he could know the truth. Here if he didn't ask question or not he think of it, how the holy Buddhism could get its importance.The ways by many saints were/are dependent on the question.Actually in whole life we always bound to asking due to our curiosity as well as our needs.The asking of questions in God Yam with Nachiketa as well as in our epic granth Mahabharata or Ramayan has very importance. The best of the all holy events is Gita Saar, in which all the questions related to each and every part were asked. There are so many examples in history.The education system is fully dependent on asking. However, in our country our education system mostly favoured the rota system rather than learning based on questions i.e. what is thinking not how to think. However recently New education policy has motto of learning on questioning.The most and perfect, the importance of questioning may be seen crystal clear in all the revolutions. It is the essence of democracy. The vulnerable section is normally derived from getting its part. The questioning power helped and provided there part.Even we all know the corruption is a main route in governing of Indian system whether through government mode or private or mix. The effect of questioning in this regard may be definitely understood by Anna Hazare movement.Actually the democracy is fully dependent on it. Therefore the RTI act was passed in accordance with the soul of questioning.There are so much hurdles also exist against questioning in that democracies whose societies are not matured or living under influence of so called politician or any other powerful persona. As the caste system is a curse in India which has become necessary evil for livelihood. The effect of this may be felt in most of the arenas. Whether it is your selection or your promotion in jobs or using equity and in getting equality etc in society. Because the Indian democracy couldn't become mature. The truth always kept in secret forcefully or intentionally by many sections of responsible society. The RTI like weapons are losing its importance. It may be seen various incident of murders of RTI activists. Also the data of pending complaints and appeals before the CIC. Also everyone knows how the seats of information commissioners are being vacant and how their powers are curtailed. It is not only part of government but also of society that produces this type of situations.The judiciary is an essential tool in democracy to provide the answer of why. In India it played important role in preserving of truth. However there are many hurdles also in front of judiciary. But the Indian judiciary successfully used its powers to mitigate these challenges.The science completely depends on questioning. It's the science that by virtue of questioning made many inventions and discoveries. Which has become unavoidable boon for the whole society.In above context, the power of questioning may be observed from history to present also to past and from view of society's sections as judiciary, many institutions, many struggles, etc. Also not only India but the whole world is definitely dependent on questioning. There are many examples in world like many revolutions and success of them revolutions depended on questioning. The countries got dependence by this tool.Mahatma Gandhi' s life is fully relied on essence of truth which can be felt various events as Satyagraha, Sarvodaya, etc movements.Therefore it is very much important to live with art of questioning especially in indian democracy and it's society, also at level of individuality.
- History ->Gurukul culture
- Question about truth, meaning of life - Vivekananda questioning about rituals
- Questions in family - a curious child in beginning - education etc
- Question every dogma in society - women,
- religious ethos - Gandhi 7 sins
- Economic - Marx posing the question against capitalism - new perspective
- Envt - Activists questioning modernity
- ethical - corruption, attitude of people (civil servants, politicians)
Why answer also necessary
- Yudhisthir v/s Yaksha - save life
- Indus valley - answer to survival (mud bricks, burnt bricks
- Peace of mind
- Vivekananda - needed Ramakrishna
- Discussion forward - new question comes
- Answer will help
- Political reforms - question of cleanliness
- Civil services - find answer to questions/problems of people - make their life easy
- Envt - sustainable development is answer to climate change (1972 conference, Rio earth etc)
Counter of questions
- Buddha - fruitless question
- Where is truth ? - people exploirng
- Questioning everything time waste -
- Bad impression - sceptical etc
Develop question culture
- Critical analysis
- Child education
- Debate culture - tolerance
Can I call you DOCTOR babu_bisleri ? :phttps://smallpdf.com/shared#st=5d56860c-2c76-469a-9c9b-6b62b557f275&fn=ShipSink.pdf&ct=1621796065832&tl=share-document&rf=link
Sorry for the worst handwriting you guys ever going to witnessed
- Science behind ship sinking (awesome dimension)
- Individual, family and society level analysis - very good
- covered multiple dimension
- good flow overall
- I felt history dimension was given more weightage
- Also felt Priority of paras can be worked upon - envt before security, intl relations perhaps
- I was hoping that starting example gets reflected somehow in conclusion
- For strong character people - civil servants, statesman (TN Seshan, Ataturk etc) - they do not fear from water around them or even water inside ship - dig deep and take the ship out of crisis. Can this be added ? - like Ganguly example
I think there is no separate need for learning data. Whatever data we read in GS, we can apply in essay. Be it literacy rate, sex ratio,life expectancy, constitution articles, IPC sections, unemployment rate etc.@farzicoder thanks for your valuable analysis and suggestions. The essay was written in a hurry so which came in my mind I wrote down. Your points are very important for me. However I am weak in learning of various datas. May you help me in overcoming on it. Thanks again
Good essay :)I Wrote it in January. Heard that people are willing to review.
Hoping for a review or two.
Things I liked
- ample historical examples to bring home the argument - Trojan horse and Mesopotamia example were both literal and metaphorical
- mention of reasons for Ships sinking / water entering them - Greed, Human hunger for power, its devastating impacts
- Human resilience to steer ship out of mess - Ferdinand megellar
Other points
- also felt historical perspective was given more weightage - other dimensions in my view (Politics - parliament criminalization and impact on institution,Sports - Indian cricket fixing, Economy - BOP crisis, Civil services etc.)
- I was hoping for some chronological sequencing in history examples, thats why felt Alexander example could come after Kingdom of Ur example
- was also hoping that initial Trojan horse example to get reflected in conclusion in some way
- @babu_bisleri mentioned physics behind ship sinking which I thought can help in our analysis
Questions/Clarification
- you talked about civilization,Gandhi, 9/11attacks in 5th,6th page - I wanted to know how are you establishing connect with topic of essay ?
Overall, very good points. Keep it up :)
Yeah, same. I also saw their respective copies and blog advising to connect intro with conclusion.Good essay :)I Wrote it in January. Heard that people are willing to review.
Hoping for a review or two.
Things I liked
- ample historical examples to bring home the argument - Trojan horse and Mesopotamia example were both literal and metaphorical
- mention of reasons for Ships sinking / water entering them - Greed, Human hunger for power, its devastating impacts
- Human resilience to steer ship out of mess - Ferdinand megellar
Other points
- also felt historical perspective was given more weightage - other dimensions in my view (Politics - parliament criminalization and impact on institution,Sports - Indian cricket fixing, Economy - BOP crisis, Civil services etc.)
- I was hoping for some chronological sequencing in history examples, thats why felt Alexander example could come after Kingdom of Ur example
- was also hoping that initial Trojan horse example to get reflected in conclusion in some way
- @babu_bisleri mentioned physics behind ship sinking which I thought can help in our analysis
Questions/Clarification
- you talked about civilization,Gandhi, 9/11attacks in 5th,6th page - I wanted to know how are you establishing connect with topic of essay ?
Overall, very good points. Keep it up :)
Thank you for analyzing and pointing out these important shortcomings.
- When I was done with the essay, I also realized how it became tilted towards a historical perspective and missed out on governance, individual development, struggles. Could have added Stoic's advice, Nietzsche's perspective, along with the points that you have mentioned.
- Connecting Trojan Horse with the conclusion, so as to give a sort of closure to the essay is a very good idea. I saw Sachin Gupta's copy and analyzed some of Doorishetti's copies. They both finished with what they began.
- Historically Civilizations failed only when they allowed their culture and economy to be diluted by something which was foreign to their culture. For Example, The Aztecs were conquered because the bodyguard of the king were fascinated by Yellow Metal in the hand of Spaniards.Their mighty empire was challenged and conquered by a group of 15 Spanish traders, as they allowed themselves to be overwhelmed by Greed.Theproverbial ship of a civilization sank because the water of greedinfiltrated it.
- About Gandhi and WTC bombing: I was trying to show how we fall when we let our circumstances get the better of us, by showing two contrasting examples. Much like the proverbial ship sinking, humans allow their downfall once they permit their circumstances to define them.Gandhi did not allow but Bin Laden did allow it. One ship sank, the other became a beacon of hope. But I failed to do so by omitting a complete paragraph about it.
I guess I should have been more clear about these two points in the essay :D
New sunday ,new essay
Lets do it folks.
@nerdfighter@Aalsibalak@Aquaman@sstarrr@babu_bisleri@walterwhit3- up for today ?
New sunday ,new essay
Lets do it folks.
@nerdfighter@Aalsibalak@Aquaman@sstarrr@babu_bisleri@walterwhit3- up for today ?
Me and a friend are writing an essay on Wisdom Finds Truth (2019).
You guys?
We too can do this. PYQ are a good way to start.
I found it most challenging among the 4 in 2019. If you guys are willing for it, then PYQs are the best way in my opinion.
Wisdom finds truth then !
Let our and other's wisdom find the truth about our writing skill !!
Wisdom finds truth !!
Very hard topic.Took 15~20 mins extra. Will be very interesting on what lines others thought on this topic. My attempt.
Wisdom finds truth !!
Very hard topic.
Hello@farzicoder,I went through your essay.
Here are the points that I noticed:Pros:
- Really simple language, barring few flowery terms like Borderless and Bottomless sea :D
- Ample examples from Indian context: Freedom Movement, Economy, LPG, Environment.
- The number of dimensions explored here. I think you went into 8 to 9 dimensions.
Possible Scope of Improvements:
- The idea of Wisdom in terms of philosophical knowledge could have been explored in a better manner.
- Knowing facts alone does not amount to wisdom
. The nature of wisdom which you explored around page 8 could have been elucidated around page 2 or 3. I feel the example of MKSS could be somewhat trivial here. But that's just my opinion. - Don't just say recent advancements like something: Add an example. Like, say Quantum Tunnelling, mRNA etc.
- The para where you went into what all have you discussed in this essay is perhaps avoidable. The examiner has already seen it. Rather than writing it in this manner, you can better use it by saying: Thus truth and wisdom are intertwined by multiple threads: so and so.
Keep writing
Thank you for your analysis and comments on improvement areas. Will try to address those.
I will go through your essay at sometime today and give my views. :)
@walterwhit3very good attempt.
Since the topic is so abstract and we dont have any model answer as such, I cant advice which other dimension you could have covered.
Based on your essay, few thoughts.
- relatable intro - linking the contemporary wisdom with past truth
- very vast range of philosophers and their ideas has been quoted which makes me envy you :p
- Conclusion very good especially last line - new truth finding old wisdom
Other points
- Page 5 ->modern scientific society needs light of ethical principles - example of those principles needed, maybe
- You talked about Nyaya school,empiricist and rationalists, Nietzche etc. Since, I have limited knowledge in this field, I thought it was overkill. In real exam, the examiner might be from philosophy background and will reward you for it
Rest queries you have addressed in your reply to aquaman. Keep it up :)
Hey, I am thinking of reviewing my previous essays today to track progress (if any :p).Anybody in for writing an essay tomorrow?Yes. Topic?
@sstarrr
"The Greatness of Humanity is not in being human, but in being humane"Today would be submitting. Hope you also put it up!
@farzicoder you in today?
Read both of your essays. :)I wrote it last week. Today I wrote on another topic.
@farzicoder @sstarrrPlease take a look and submit yours.
- very good intro like your previous 2 essays + ending with the same
- Panchantantra stories about animal showing humane side opens new dimension
- Good example of Tamil quotes
Other points
- felt intro was tad long
- I was also hoping to find definitions of human, humane etc
- Page 3 - saving from thrashing. Does that always happen ? - can refer it in page 8 when humane part is not shown
Other points have already been mentioned by@sstarrr
Overall, good attempt. :)
Also came to know that this is Gandhiji's quote. We can add Gandhi's mantra - Talisman + service of humanity
Adobe Scan 13-Jun-2021.pdf My essay.
Good attempt :)
- Intro good emotional story + happy ending in conclusion + very good handwriting
- Defined humane, human etc - makes it easy to understand your ideas
- Use of thinkers to start the statements especially Locke to bring out diff b/w man and animal
- You are asking questions in beginning and trying to answer. This felt good as I also try to do the same
Other points
- Break paragraph on 1st page
- I was hoping that some NGO will help them in that poor condition to show humane side in the beginning itself to drive home the topic point or maybe two contrasting situations showing humane part and not showing humane part
- Some grammatical errors - an human (p2), an lion danger for an deer (p4)
- Covid-19 biggest test of humanity (p4) - perhaps substantiate with suffering, loss of employment and lives etc before mentioning protectionist measures
Cant find your esasy :ptysm for feedback. you correctly pointed out completely missed that linking part between the two. i tend to write impromptu with respect to philosophical essays and incorporate ideas as they come to me. will try to structure first.I think you have adequately talked about human-ness and humane-ness, but have not focused on the "the long journey" aspect. A better structure could have been:
1. Introduce idea of being human and being humane, distinguish between the two.
2. Explain the process through which we go towards being humane from being human (basically value inculcation part from GS4)
3. Elucidate with the help of examples from life of great people
(e.g. Gandhiji's journey ->parents as role model, did not cheat in school, made some mistakes such as stealing, watched Harishchandra play, South Africa train accident, struggle in SA, finally became a mass leader, became humane)
(e.g. Ashoka's journey ->killed his brothers to get the throne, battle of Kalinga, adopted buddhism, became humane)
(e.g. Verghese Kurien ->went to America with government permission to study agri, but switched to physics, reluctantly joined agri department, met Patel, change of heart and dedicated himself to Amul, became humane) (*all details may not be correct please cross-check)
4. However, there can be stumbling blocks to prevent oneself from becoming humane. Again substantiate with examples: Hitler, terrorism, communal riots.
5. What can be done to eliminate such stumbling blocks.
6. Conclusion on a positive note.
awsm examples
Wrote on "Values are not what humanity is..".
Faced difficulty in interpreting the topic and points were difficult to write. Hope someone else also post their essay on this topic. Here is mine. :)
