@balwintejas Glad someone else feel like this too.But, why should our self-esteem depend on exam though. I feel like self esteem should be like- if I am performing well, my self esteem should say "good, you performed well but don't get it to your head and work hard" and if performing bad then inner voice should say "ok , analyze your mistakes, keep it in mind and move on, you can do it , don't stress out too much".But what actually happens is that the inner voice in my head criticizes every action " you performed well , huh, mock must be too easy" and if perform bad, then- "idiot, you are hopeless".Somebody suggested me to do hobbies. Mine is drawing, painting, so when I draw a little, that self criticizing voice diminishes and I feel better and less anxious. In last few days , I could not do hobby, so that voice got a lot bigger. Now, again trying to control that.@balwintejas I feel it is about balance-knowledge and confidence. Nothing more and nothing less of both.All the best to you.@Neyawn - I don't know why, I think you can almost read people's mind. If possible, please tell what do you think of what we wrote in above comments.We had developed this aura for ourselves thinking "This is it! Life is done now!". Constant questions being asked, people staring, empty pocket, relationship getting broken, rejection from the interview, etc are happening around which make us think "Now what after this?"
And I felt why it hurts the most. For banking or other cgl, you prepare for few months diligently and you are done. If you qualify, it feels like an achievement; if not; if feels like a misery but then you understand that you had studied less. But in UPSC, things are different. No matter the hours you had spent or how smartly you have made notes or have great great personality, things are uncertain. Luck has a major role and will play a major role compared to other exams. Like state PSCs, UPSC doesn't provide mains copies by RTI, making things more cumbersome to understand what exactly works and whatnot.
But we had chosen this field ourselves and life is not done after 2 attempts only. We will sure come stronger this time and achieve what's due for us.
"Tu Nahi to koi aur sahi, koi aur nahi to koi aur sahi"
Rightly said brother. I cleared banking and CGL exam. A good aptitude minimizes the effort needed in these exams. And there it is easier to draw inference between your result and preparation. But UPSC and PSC exams, this is not the case. The worst thing is that we cant even know our marks despite now being out of the 2020 race. We could have analysed what went wrong. But here we are.. as clueless as we can be.
PS : Forgot to mention a problem with CGL. One exam cycle takes 3 years to complete. time eater!
