Please save me from depression

Try to get out from closed room of these thoughts. Do not allow it to spiral, break the chain of these thoughts.

Talk to friends, talk to your girlfriend. Do not keep talking to yourself. 

First try to gain a stable relaxed state of mind, then think about your options for plan B.

Hey hey, buddy, don't be too harsh on yourself, parents want to see us happy. If you are too concerned about them first be happy, don't make matters worse for them by showing your stress or guilt. Some day or other come one everyone does something. You are not burning your parents' money on liquor or drugs or something - kids do that - even in their 50s. Going out, sometimes changing places helps get out of negative thoughts. Aarti left Satyendra, he became IAS, that does not mean that you have to get dumped to clear the exam, Abhilash too dumped Dhairya - hence your apprehensions of looking at a fictional character are baseless. In your 40s you'll cherish these moments of struggle (with your kids - telling them how stupid you were, and I'll show this screenshot to them). 

We are too harsh on ourselves. All we need is a better perspective. Think like this

1. What if you're the parent and your son is in a similar situation? You won't even care about these things and they'll look trivial to you. Then why are we so harsh on ourselves? Please don't feel ashamed. You're not wasting the money on drugs or partying. You're simply using it to study. Now, what would you advise your son or younger brother when they were doing whatever they could to clear the exam ? Probably, to relax and just study 

2. Backups are important. Give the BPSC and then actively secure a backup. Either through any online skilling course. But you'll have to go out of the room to make it happen. Do research, watch youtube videos and activate your contacts, I am sure anyone can secure a decent job if they try hard enough. End that financial insecurity, you don't need 12 hours a day study if you've diligently studied in past attempts. 

3. Sandeep lost Kusum because he ignored her and didn't communicate properly with her. If she loves you right now, she doesn't probably care about what you'll become but rather who you are right now. So communicate and never ignore your partner. The only right thing you can do is Love the people around you back ! That's it 

@Najdorf there is an NGO - You're wonderful project, I worked with them for a few months, and they provide pro bono therapies for mental well-being. You may consider consulting them.

1. Go Out in Nature. Better if you can go to the open Fields in Village or Park in City. Observe the air, plants, and Birds. No SONGS, NO watching humans, Just you and nature with full of life.
2. Read some motivational biographies of Vivekananda, APJ Kalam, and Vikram Sarabhai. They will provide a better perspective on life & Success
3. Health is wealth. No matter what sleep at 9 & wake at 5 in the morning. Plan your day and follow it even if it's 20%. With time it will Improve. Eat healthily & go for an evening slow walk.
4. No matter what you do you & your parents will get old. Time is immutable. Accept this fact.
5. If you have brothers & Sisters, talk to them & express the dilemma. They will help.
6. Take your girl with you in a silent park & make her understand your dilemmas. Women offer the best advice in such Situations.
7. Laugh on poor jokes and watch comedy videos.
8. Visit Nearby temple or gurudwara & feed poor people food. Spirituality Can help you find a home.

Guilt of not doing enough can only be overcome by doing something worthwhile. Some suggestions

1. Fix your sleep cycle. Wake up at a consistent time. It need not be 5, it can be 7 also. But try to be consistent.

2. Don't skip breakfasts.

3. Get enough sunlight. Get it in your schedule to go out immediately after waking up and also an evening walk after food. Join gym etc if feasible or can do some home exercises like push-ups, pull-ups. Yoga, me

4. Avoid phone/ social media. Schedule some 3- hour or longer breaks where you switch off your phone if feasible and don't touch it.

5. Schedule your day. Make daily targets for studying.

6. Do some self care e.g. regularly hair cut, nail cut, baths. We take care of those who we value, so take care of your self.

7. Define your success for the day. For example, putting x amount of hours, getting that long pending haircut, going for walk, talking with family, eating three time food, not eating junk food may be your definition of success for a particular day. Try to achieve it and give a pat on your back. Even if you don't achieve 100%, it's understandable, nobody is perfect. Have some mercy on yourself.

Ultimately it's about how you can utilise your time. It must be feeling very hard and  it is but taking small steps can help. Take a pen and paper and start working.

All the best 🤞

"2023- gs1- 80-90 from coaching keys.

Csat- 60-70 from coaching keys."

issues and possible wayouts:

1. health : rest and recover, if in delhi vist the nearest municipal hospital, take a friend along, i wolud suggest returning home for recovery. drop library for next 20-30 days. your output will anyway frustrate you.

2. fatiuge from last 3 years : the work will compound once you have a clear mind. the foundations and ground work is already established, you have to build upon it, test papers and answers from mgp good copies should do the trick. try yoga and meditation~(dm for way forward)

3. guilt/stress of livehood, financial independence : if family finances are strong enough to sustain you for the next two years, try to fool your mind "all is well". if not, taking a part time job like tuitions might help.

4. uncertainity of relationship : dynamic nature is innate. face it as it comes try not to imagine situations.

you are almost there, right now justduck and survive. all the best. 

Thanx to all.. I am really fine now.

@Tata talked with one psychologist via wonderful ngo..thanx bro.

Thanx all

Looks like I too need therapy, sometimes you don't know why are you feeling low. Can't decipher my emotions, just stuck in a loop, maybe this exam journey is the cause, I don't know, but definitely not feeling well. Just wanna bid goodbye to UPSC, maybe soon after the mains exam. Sometimes I think I should not have even started preparing for it, how naive and ignorant was I, or perhaps I am

“प्रासादों के कनकाभ शिखर,

होते कबूतरों के ही घर,

महलों में गरुड़ ना होता है,

कंचन पर कभी न सोता है.

रहता वह कहीं पहाड़ों में,

शैलों की फटी दरारों में.

उड़ते जो झंझावतों में,

पीते जो वारि प्रपातो में,

सारा आकाश अयन जिनका,

विषधर भुजंग भोजन जिनका,

वे ही फानिबंध छुड़ाते हैं,

धरती का हृदय जुड़ाते हैं.”

Keep hustling.

Why?

Because its your duty.

On a lighter note , once u crossed 27 age and 3 attempt ..things doesn't effect as much BCz probably what could have been lost have already been lost ... reputation, age , old parents etc etc ....though I hope u won't fail further but if u fail in coming years ( let's accept the reality , anything is possible ) things will not effect as much as it effected u now . So enjoy the process , whatever decision u take ...I cried my heart out after I failed in prelims in first attempt....used to share such thoughts on social media ....then I failed mains in 5 attempt in 2022 ..and I was smiling after I saw that result not found on pdf .....missed rbi grade b cut off by 0.5 marks recently ...was sad that day but smiling .🙂🤝

#Relatable

@Tata ,this is for u,plz watch

@DM <3

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