Some thoughts which occured to me today : Long read, please read at your own discretion.
1.Understanding and confronting your feelings- I was in a denial all this while . I felt that loosing prelims did not hurt me and its pretty normal. But it is not, I have been into preparation since 3rd year. A 2 year long journey where I have sacrificed many things, which I don't regret as it was my own choice. But somebody yesterday told me you must not be feeling sad unlike all of us because this is your first attempt whereas we all are in our second/third/fourth attempt. All my attempts to forget about my prelims came haunting me back. Feelings confronted me today and I couldn't control it much longer.
An unpredictable paper it was and I would not have worried much if it had gone bad , but I am standing somewhere close to 84-86, the thing that is haunting me is those 5 questions which I did wrong against the wishes of my gut feelings - water, pressure cooker, article 14, one history question and a eastern ghat river question. I am unable to come to terms that this is going to be the reason behind my failure in prelims.
Still I am trying, trying to shift my focus from this exam and the prelims failure and move on. Moving on seems hard at this point but this is the most I can do.
So to everyone reading this, confront your feelings, don't be in a denial and accept your feelings with open arms. Let this flow, because if you allow feelings to quell up, it would block the veins in your body, your heart and brain would stop working and you will react or over-react to things. In these two days, I got irritated pretty easily, shouted , screamed and cried. The more I tried to forget the more it came back haunting me making my life more difficult. Welcoming it with open arms would have been much easier.
2. To deviate my mind I watched Criminal Justice ( I know a little late) - One thing that struck me was UPSC chahe jitna bhi unpredictable ho, it actually offers you a lot to work. The situation in prison made me think why prisons are even created? Are they created for the purpose of punishment or for reforming the person? The prison where the guy aditya sharma was kept, was not reforming him but instead it created another monster from humans. The state of our prison is one of the worst in the world, we need urgent reform, for protecting and promoting the basic human rights of people. Unsanitary conditions, constant threat to life , politicisation of prisons and many more things. It just gave me one more reason to continue trying for this exam. Baaki as life would take, kuch nahin toh dhairya ki tarah NGO hi khol legen.
Hurt is hurt, irrespective of the attempt. Efforts are made irrespective of attempts. Expectations to clear are set irrespective of the attempt. Please do not let anyone belittle you or your efforts because “it is only your first attempt”. Happy studying :)
Funny how are minds get wired to think about everything from the perspective of our preparation..
Hahaha.. Fomo is real !!At this rate, I'll not be surprised if we have a prelims test series with 120 tests named '12000 steps' few years down the line!
@HeNeArKr would 10/10 subscribe
Funny how are minds get wired to think about everything from the perspective of our preparation..
Hahaha.. Fomo is real !!At this rate, I'll not be surprised if we have a prelims test series with 120 tests named '12000 steps' few years down the line!
@HeNeArKr would 10/10 subscribe
Is there one?
You would know better than any of us
Came across a passage that resonated with me deeply and reminded me of this UPSC journey.
"Sometimes fate is like a small sandstorm that keeps changing directions. You change direction but the sandstorm chases you. You turn again, but the storm adjusts. Over and over you play this out, like some ominous dance with death just before dawn. Why? Because this storm isn’t something that blew in from far away, something that has nothing to do with you. This storm is you. Something inside of you. So all you can do is give in to it, step right inside the storm, closing your eyes and plugging up your ears so the sand doesn’t get in, and walk through it, step by step. There’s no sun there, no moon, no direction, no sense of time. Just fine white sand swirling up into the sky like pulverized bones. That’s the kind of sandstorm you need to imagine.
And you really will have to make it through that violent, metaphysical, symbolic storm. No matter how metaphysical or symbolic it might be, make no mistake about it: it will cut through flesh like a thousand razor blades. People will bleed there, and you will bleed too. Hot, red blood. You’ll catch that blood in your hands, your own blood and the blood of others.And once the storm is over you won’t remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won’t even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what this storm is all about.”Haruki Murakami (in Kafka on the Shore)Loved reading this. Putting the book on my reading list. This reminded of a poem I keep going back to in difficult times.
Sharing it here: Khalil Gibran, Fear
It is said that before entering the seaa river trembles with fear.She looks back at the path she has traveled,from the peaks of the mountains,the long winding road crossing forests and villages.And in front of her,she sees an ocean so vast,that to enterthere seems nothing more than to disappear forever.But there is no other way.The river can not go back.Nobody can go back.To go back is impossible in existence.The river needs to take the riskof entering the oceanbecause only then will fear disappear,because that’s where the river will knowit’s not about disappearing into the ocean,but of becoming the ocean.Apologies for the poor formatting.
I absolutely love this poem
Funny how are minds get wired to think about everything from the perspective of our preparation..
Hahaha.. Fomo is real !!At this rate, I'll not be surprised if we have a prelims test series with 120 tests named '12000 steps' few years down the line!
@HeNeArKr would 10/10 subscribe
Is there one?
You would know better than any of us
Hope Forum comes out with one....Until then I am on my own :(
Share with us also 😬😬
Funny how are minds get wired to think about everything from the perspective of our preparation..
Hahaha.. Fomo is real !!At this rate, I'll not be surprised if we have a prelims test series with 120 tests named '12000 steps' few years down the line!
@HeNeArKr would 10/10 subscribe
Is there one?
You would know better than any of us
Hope Forum comes out with one....Until then I am on my own :(
How many tests did you give for prelims last year?
@HeNeArKr would look forward to having your inputs on pre
Somebody asked for a good inspirational poem.
Here isA Psalm of Life by H.W. Longfellow
Tell me not, in mournful numbers,Life is but an empty dream!For the soul is dead that slumbers,And things are not what they seem.Life is real! Life is earnest!And the grave is not its goal;Dust thou art, to dust returnest,Was not spoken of the soul.Not enjoyment, and not sorrow,Is our destined end or way;But to act, that each to-morrowFind us farther than to-day.Art is long, and Time is fleeting,And our hearts, though stout and brave,Still, like muffled drums, are beatingFuneral marches to the grave.In the world’s broad field of battle,In the bivouac of Life,Be not like dumb, driven cattle!Be a hero in the strife!Trust no Future, howe’er pleasant!Let the dead Past bury its dead!Act,— act in the living Present!Heart within, and God o’erhead!Lives of great men all remind usWe can make our lives sublime,And, departing, leave behind usFootprints on the sands of time;Footprints, that perhaps another,Sailing o’er life’s solemn main,A forlorn and shipwrecked brother,Seeing, shall take heart again.Let us, then, be up and doing,With a heart for any fate;Still achieving, still pursuing,Learn to labor and to wait.P.S: The last 3 stanzas have been the source of inspiration for many men including but not limited to Henry Ford, Roosevelt, and Gandhi himself.
Have you read other poems by him?
Have you read other poems by him?
I have read a few others by him. I can recallHymn To The NightandExcelsior.
Read ladder of saint augustine. It’s one of my personal favourites
Good morning folks! Here’s to a fresh new start post 2 weeks of not doing anything substantial. Targets for 2.2.22 (woah the date! But also i have a bad history of low productivity on cool dates) are:
CA class
Security notes
November C/A- backlog
PSIR- human rights, security, terror
Editorial
Daily C/A
College classes
Getting (b)ready to crush my goals for the day. Let’s get this bread!
Good morning folks! Here’s to a fresh new start post 2 weeks of not doing anything substantial. Targets for 2.2.22 (woah the date! But also i have a bad history of low productivity on cool dates) are:
CA class
Security notes
November C/A- backlog
PSIR- human rights, security, terror
Editorial
Daily C/A
College classes
Getting (b)ready to crush my goals for the day. Let’s get this bread!
Didn’t do anything beyond CA class, C/A backlogs and daily C/A. Not good my friends, not good indeed. 😬
Good morning folks of forum! Targets for 4.2.22 are:
PSIR- human rights, terror, soc const, poco
Security
December C/A backlog
Daily C/A
Editorial
World history (1/8)
Fasts and feasts
I have fewer online classes today s hoping for a slightly longer study day. Will update how many of my targets I managed to complete by the end of the night.
Hello friends, I am back after a college induced hiatus and needless to say I’m excited to get back into the familiar and well loved routine of CSE. Targets for 17.2.22 are:
Polity- 1/3
Essential college work
Dec 2021 C/A backlog- 1/3
Daily C/A
Editorial- IE+ Hindu
Skim other papers
Fasts and feasts- 1/10
Hopefully skipping classes for 2 days will be worth it. Trying to push and get as much out of my long weekend as i can. Let’s get this bread and all the bread we can, folks!
Hello friends, I am back after a college induced hiatus and needless to say I’m excited to get back into the familiar and well loved routine of CSE. Targets for 17.2.22 are:
Polity- 1/3
Essential college work
Dec 2021 C/A backlog- 1/3
Daily C/A
Editorial- IE+ Hindu
Skim other papers
Fasts and feasts- 1/10
Hopefully skipping classes for 2 days will be worth it. Trying to push and get as much out of my long weekend as i can. Let’s get this bread and all the bread we can, folks!
Managed to finish everything except editorial and other newspapers. Also couldn’t read my book. But man it feels good to get back to the books. I never thought i would find myself humming “Pyaar Hua Ekrar hua” while flipping through Laxmikant XD
Good morning folks. Slightly late start to the day, but targets for 18.2.22 are:
Polity
Dec 2021 C/A backlog- 2/3
Editorial- IE+ Hindu
Daily C/A
Skim papers
Fasts and feasts- 1/10
Econ survey -1/10
World history- 1/15
Let’s see how much we get done. Let’s get this bread!
Managed to complete only polity and Dec C/A backlog. Not the greatest day tbh. Will be better today
Good morning folks! Targets for 19.2.22 are:
Polity
Dec C/A backlog 3/3
Editorial- IE+ Hindu
Daily C/A
Skim Papers
Fasts and feasts 1/10
Econ survey- 1/10
World history- 2/15
Long day ahead. So let’s get this bread!
Again couldn’t read my book or look through the papers. I think I’ll have to schedule some time separately for it in my day
Hello frenz! Here’s to hoping my classes get cancelled 🤞🏻, in which case targets for 22.2.22 (woaaah) are:
Econ
Daily C/A
Dec 2021 C/A backlog
Editorial- IE+ Hindu
Skim other papers
Read fasts and feasts- 1/10
Good economics
Home state stuff
Pray that my classes get cancelled today and I get time to sit and study 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Hello frenz! Here’s to hoping my classes get cancelled 🤞🏻, in which case targets for 22.2.22 (woaaah) are:
Econ
Daily C/A
Dec 2021 C/A backlog
Editorial- IE+ Hindu
Skim other papers
Read fasts and feasts- 1/10
Good economics
Home state stuff
Pray that my classes get cancelled today and I get time to sit and study 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Didn’t read either of the books I planned or editorials but at least managed to get my economics done for the day. Small victories? 🤷🏻♀️
I didn’t think I would struggle so much trying to get back into the groove of studies. I could just blame it all on college classes but the manner that I’ve wasted my weekend is nothing short of spectacular, and I didn’t need help from my classes to get to that point. So being vigilant of my bad habits, targets for 28.2.22 are:
Environment
Jan 2022 C/A backlog- 1/3
Editorial- IE+ Hindu
Skim TOI
C/A class
FnF
College assignment
Thats all folks. I’m seriously hoping that we get the bread. I shall let you know how much I achieved/ didn’t achieve by the end of the day.